Andrew Lorien (that's me)

had an idea once about Jesus, Pandora, and Erwin Schrodinger

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

The single biggest cause of the problems of the twentieth century is that we have forgotten God.

Art Hoppe

If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex?

Plato

He was a wise man who invented God.

Pablo Picasso

God is really only another artist, He invented the girraffe, the elephant, and the cat. He has no real style, he just goes on trying other things.

Albert Einstein

God can be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.

Anon

 

God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.

Veronica Brady

Talents #30

...this is the importance of art in religion because some theologians, and some preachers, try to limit God to our understanding

Umberto Eco 1980

The Name of the Rose

The older I grow and the more I abandon myself to God's will, the less I value intelligence that wants to know and will that wants to do; and as the only element of salvation recognise faith, which can wait patiently, without asking too many questions. [Day five, vespers]

BE HERE NOW

a book by the Lama Foundation

I HAVE A RELATIVE WHO IS IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL # HE THINKS HE IS CHRIST # WELL THAT'S GROOVY # I AM CHRIST ALSO # BUT HE DOESN'T THINK I AM CHRIST # HE THINKS HE IS CHRIST BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO HIM AND HE TOOK HIS EGO WITH HIM # SO HE SAYS: I'M SPECIAL # AND WHEN I SAY TO HIM: SURE MAN YOU'RE CHRIST # AND I'M CHRIST TOO HE SAYS: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND # AND WHEN HE'S OUT HE STEALS CARS AND THINGS LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE NEEDS THEM BECAUSE HE'S CHRIST AND THAT'S ALL RIGHT # SO THEY LOCK HIM UP # HE SAYS: I DON'T KNOW...ME...I'M A RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF SOCIETY # I GO TO CHURCH # ME THEY PUT IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL # YOU'RE FREE # YOU'VE GOT A BEARD # YOU WEAR A DRESS

###YOU # # #

SURE # BECAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED WE ARE ALL GOD # THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE # IF YOU REALLY THINK ANOTHER GUY IS GOD HE DOESN'T LOCK YOU UP

###FUNNY ABOUT THAT # # #

[P.99. The whole book is written in letraset, including the little pictures ]

Joseph Heller

Catch-22 1961

"And don't tell me God works in mysterious ways," Yossarian continued... "There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else he's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about -- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?"
"Pain?" Lieutenant Scheisskopf's wife pounced upon the word victoriously. "Pain is a useful symptom. Pain is a warning to us of bodily dangers."
"And who created the dangers?" Yossarian demanded. He laughed caustically. "Oh, He was really being charitable to us when He gave us pain! Why couldn't He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of his celestial choirs? Or a system of blue-and-red neon tubes right in the middle of each person's forehead. Any jukebox manufacturer worth his salt could have done that. Why couldn't He?"
"People would certainly look silly walking around with red neon tubes in the middle of their foreheads."
"They certainly look beautiful now writhing in agony or stupified with morphine, don't they? What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He make of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. It's obvious He never met a payroll. Why, no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!"
Lieutenant Scheisskopf's wife had turned ashen in disbelief and was ogling him with alarm. "You'd better not talk that way about Him, honey," she warned him reprovingly in a low and hostile voice. "He might punish you."
"Isn't He punishing me enough?" Yossarian snorted resentfully. "You know, we certainly mustn't let Him get away with it. Oh, no, we certainly mustn't let Him get away scot free for all the sorrow He's caused us. Someday I'm going to make him pay. I know when. On the Judgement Day. Yes, that's the day I'll be close enough to reach out and grab that little yokel by His neck and --"
"Stop it! Stop it!" Leiutenant Scheisskopf's wife screamed suddenly, and began beating him ineffectually about the head with both fists. "Stop it!"
Yossarian ducked behind his arm for protection while she slammed away at him in feminine fury for a few seconds, and then he caught her determinedly by the wrists and forced her gently back down on the bed. "What the hell are you getting so upset about?" He asked her bewilderedly in a tone of contrite amusement. "I thought you didn't believe in God."
"I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears. "But the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be."
Yossarian laughed and turned her arms loose. "Let's have a little more religious freedom between us," he proposed obligingly. "You don't believe in the God you want to, and I won't believe in the God I want to. Is that a deal?" [Chapter 18]

David Hume, 1752

Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion IX

I shall venture to add on observation that the argument a priori [for the existence of God] has seldom been found very convincing, except to people of a metaphysical head who have accustomed themselves to abstract reasoning, and who, finding from mathematics that the understanding frequently leads to truth through obscurity, and contrary to first appearences, have transferred the same habit of thinking to subjects where it ought not to have place.

Blaise Pascal,

I have heard, devoted his life to theology because, as a mathematician, he reasoned that if Heaven and Hell are infinite, and all earthly pleasure and pain, no matter how great, is finite, then no matter what the odds against the existence of God, it's worth the gamble.

An anonymous rel. studies student and Dr Dave:

"God being perfect and omnipresent and that, but trapped in our time is a bit silly - it defeats the idea of having a God, a bit like putting a little kid in big shoes." "...and you end up with a God of whom you say, 'well gee, you've given him big boots, but he's only a little fellow.' "

Dr Dave again, 1992
Dr David Dockrill is a philosophy lecturer at Newcastle University

Is there more to [religion] than singing hymns and hearing sermons and drinking cups of coffee after the service?

Rene Descartes

on the ontological argument: 1641

...because we cannot think of God's existence as being possible, without at the same time ... acknowledging that He can exist by His own might, we hence conclude that He really exists and has existed from all eternity; for the light of nature makes it most plain that what can exist by it's own power always exists.

Tory Amos

me and a gun

me and jesus a few years back used to hang and he said 'it's your choice babe just remember i don't think you'll be back in 3 days time so you choose well'

Another guy's god quotes...
My collection of quotes about the Bible

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Secret Rapture wrote:
My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!

At: http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman/


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